I don't know whose ass I think I'm foolin'. I have had that damned buckskin-wearin', lacrosse-playin, hottie patattie on my brain all-the-live-long-day.I was up reading at 6AM. WOWIE MACWOWIE, BATMAN! So much shiz has gone down, I don't even know where to start!!
OK so...when we last saw our heroine and her hunky mountain man, they were skulking down the river in a canoe with Runs with Bears or Fights with Bears. (Put it this way, he's a guy who does something with bears.)
They ended up at a really nice house with really rich people, just like they always do in the Outlander novels. So they've gone from trekking around in the brush to having the bath brought up for them and having their hair brushed - all by some dumb fool who is either a servant, offspring of the homeowners or both. Who ever really knows in these stories.
So we had this great fight scene where Tanto - I mean Nathaniel - held her down on the bed by the wrists...Jamie style...and had his way with her. What I LOVED about this scene was where he actually said something like "Sorry - that wasn't so great for you". I was all "YOU GO, GUY!" And now girlfriend is all curious about "satisfaction"...but we'll get to that in a bit.
I can't TELL you how happy I was when Liz (easier to type) decided NOT to wear Bathes with a Dovebar's dress. She was standing there, looking at herself in the mirror...and I was all kinds of creeped out...thinking "Ew - this is not you. This is the dress of a Native American. Not an English woman." And don't get me wrong - I'll bet that dress was STUNNING...but it just wasn't Elizabeth. NOT to mention that Washes with a Dovebar hasn't even WORN it yet to her upcoming marriage to Does Something with Bears. I mean - come ON! The woman put 100 hours of beadwork into it! Let her wear it new!
OK so anyway - they got married...Nate in his white linen (scrumpdillyicious!)...Lizzie in her boring, drab, grey dress. (Yawn. I'm over her boringness. See my rant about Diana from A Discovery of Witches for further explanation.)
They eat dinner...she goes to bed...leaves him downstairs...(is it me or should he be called Dead on his Feet right about now? The man carried a canoe about a zillion miles and rowed the damned thing all over New York State for god's sake.) He goes to bed - watches her sleep - sleeps - watches her sleep s'more...and then what happens? I'll tell you what happens. Lizzie's kidneys take over and then all HELL breaks loose!!!
First of all - I would NOT have peed in that damned bowl-under-the-bed if I were her, either. Uh uh. No way. When you're married a while and he's heard you toot...yeah...it's OK then. But not the morning after the wedding. I'd have done the same thing - I'd have marched my ass outside to the privy and enjoyed my privacy.
But who can enjoy anything when out of nowhere, that rat bastid DICK TODD shows up!!! (He became Dick to me when he grabbed her. I will not tolerate physical violence from anyone; not even an ejumukated man like Dick.)
Then...all bets were off. Buh bye, Dick. Leave me and mine alone. But nooooo...he's got to get them to agree to go to Albany to settle affairs. And that's where I am now. Thankfully, Dick's letting Lizzie stay home..which is K-I-L-L-I-N-G me. She and Nate are going to be apart. And I won't have it!
This is TWILIGHT all over again! Just when I was getting into it and loving the new couple...BAM! The asses have to go and play baseball and blow it all to smithereens. EXACTY what's happening here! Nate's going to leave town and have adventures with Dick and Bear Who Scalps the White Man and poor Lizzie is going to be STUCK twiddling her thumbs with Alice and Jasper!!! It's just so unfair!!! To ME! I want them TOGETHER!! As Tracey always says about Jamie and Claire: it always falls apart when they separate. STAY TOGETHER!!!
OK that's it for me. I'm going to read. STAY TUNED!!!
Post Script: Satisfaction!! Boyfriend was JUST ABOUT TO GO DOWNTOWN when Lizzie had to run out and do her biznazz. WHAT a bummer. I hope to get back to that at some point in the future.
PLEASE NOTE: I realize I have messed around with some Native American names in this post - and will most likely continue to do so while I blog about this series. I want to point out that I have the greatest respect for the Native American culture. Please do not mistake my sad attempt at comedy for anything other than that.
Can you please tell me where my kindred spirit...uh, I mean your sister Tracey, is in this book? I demand to know what she's thinking!! I'm with you on the "Lix is boring" concept. She is no Claire, that's for sure. And I also agree with you on the Native American monikers for everyone - I couldn't keep them straight as I was reading and found it distracting as I couldn't remember who was who.
ReplyDeleteLix?? I meant Liz, sorry.
ReplyDeleteCarol, that was a classic post! I've got tears in me eyes!!! The names are hilarious, no offense taken. I loved the Outlander comparison. I also loved when he threw her down on the bed. E was so funny when she was trying to tell him that she was satisfied and he's all "Darling' you don't know the meaning of the word." I was anxiously waiting for that lesson right along with E. I love that E's proper English manners are being thrown out the window now that she's met Nathaniel (I draw the line at Tonto!!!)
ReplyDeleteWhat? Your affinity for Dick is OVER? Good, ha.
ReplyDelete"Bathes with a Dovebar" LOL!
**snort!**
Carol - Finally - Richard Todd is out...he's Frank to me!!!! I can't believe you didn't say anything about the Ian/Jaime/Claire comments!?!?!?!?!?!? I've been doing the same thing waking up at freaking ass is way to early to be awake much less to read before going to work....and Monday's treat was reading about Wee Ian....NO COMMENTS??!!?!?
ReplyDelete:)
I was laughing at your post right from the beginning, but when I got to "Lizzie is going to be STUCK twiddling her thumbs with Alice and Jasper!!!" I laughed SO loud that I got a major SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from the other room! HI-LARIOUS!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to see that you're back on the Nathaniel Bonner bandwagon. He has quickly moved up to the top of my list of fictional character crushes. I know! I couldn't believe it either, but there he is. I loooooves me some Nat!
I had a hard time with the Native American names at first too, but I finally got the hang of them. (It's especially confusing when some of them have more than one name.)
I can't wait to hear what you have to say next! But now I am off to read more of book #3. :-)
-Cari
Just stalkin' the blog...
ReplyDelete:)
*waves hand at everyone* I'm here!!!! Sorry I havena posted--it's been a HELLISH week work-wise (not sure i've left the office before 7 this week) and have had a lot of stuff to do outside of work too...BUT I have managed to get to where Carol is now (tho she's prolly a bit ahead of me)--I'm in the middle of the chapter right after this one. So....
ReplyDeleteLet me say that I am COMPLETELY reflecting Carol's thoughts. I think the book has been fairly compelling plot-wise from page one--and right now, it's most DEFINITELY a page turner. I like Lizzie a lot--I like her independent streak, and the whole "eff y'all, I'm gonna go live in the schoolhouse and teach kids and be happy as a clam on my own" attitude. I like how we're learning so much about the Kaaaaaaaaaaaaa'aaaaaaaaaa (yeah, like I'll ever be able to PRONOUNCE it, let alone spell it--I just know it starts with a K, has a lot of a's, and has an apostrophe thrown in there), almost more than we did with the Outlander books. Loved the Jamie/Claire/Ian (le sigh!) appearance. And of course, love Nathaniel (tho Bears Who Do Something or Other is growing on me!)
The cons: the writing, as Carol said, is less than descriptive (tho I will say the writing has gotten less "Dick and Jane" as the book moves on--wonder if this is sort of reflecting Lizzie's growth and awareness in a way?). Also, Nat/Lizzie's relationship happened a little too "at first sight" for me--in that respect, Outlander is MUCH better--we actually see Jamie/Claire's relationship grow over a good period of time. I don't know that Nat/Liz have even been in the same room that much as of yet! (A comment SHE even makes in the next chapter...)
Still, I am definitely entertained and looking forward to reading...always a good sign for a book. Stay tuned.... (Oh, and Tricky Dicky is a doosh. And Lizzie's father? DOOSH. And I love Curiosity.)
It looks like I'm all alone in my fondness for Dick...;)
ReplyDeleteIt's great to hear from you Tracey. I'm glad that you are being entertained. As I was reading the book, I was trying to figure out how it compared to my love for Outlander and TBH. I know, I know, I tried really hard not to do it, cause it kinda drives me crazy, BUT, what I determined was that it was a different sort of entertainment. This story is an adventure to me--first and foremost. The love story is there, which is great, but I don't think that's why I enjoyed the book(s) so much. I loved the adventures and I had so much fun reading them. I think Cari was inspired to read the books because my status updates on Goodreads were usually "OMG!! OMG!!" :)
I have a few complaints but I'll have to wait to voice them.
Oh yes, Tracey, I LOVE Curiosity! She's a great addition to the book. And how 'bout a shout out to Hawkeye?!
I mean, "for" Hawkeye.
ReplyDeleteTracey!! What are you doing??? You've turned traitor - I thought you would feel like me- alas I am alone in my aggravations with this book...I can only pray that book 2 will pull me over to the dark (uh, I mean, all of you bloggers') side. :) Which I haven't started yet....I'll wait for Carol to start a blog. Right now I'm reading the Housewife & the Actor by Shannon Hale (Austenland).
ReplyDeleteTracey, I'm so glad that you're enjoying it! I just finished book 3, and I canna wait to pick up book 4 tomorrow. BTW, Hildy is totally right. I had heard about ITW from several other OL fans over the past year, but it wasn't until I heard how much she loved it that I finally decided to pick it up. SO glad that I did!
ReplyDeleteI'll just keep stalking ITWP until there is another blog post.... ;-)
-Cari
I finished (audio) and I am sorry to say I am just not feeling it. They talk about emotions in the book but I don't feel it like in OL books. Like the Pillars of the Earth, I like to story but the writing leaves me unemotional. I wonder if it has to do with the narrator. This lady is just a little... not great. I wonder if I would have liked it better if Devina had read it.
ReplyDeleteL,
ReplyDeleteno, you are right. This book is not OL or TBH. But I still loved it. Actually, DG gives quite a gushing review of ITW, too. I'll have to dig it up.
As for Pillars, I'm soooooooo glad!! I thought I was the only person in the world who didn't like it. I forced myself to read half of it. But I found myself scowling at my ereader everytime I walked past it. Uhg. It was painful. Perhaps because I read it right after Echo?
I have to admit - I stopped "listening" to Dragonfly on audio. I just like reading better. I like to hear the voices in my own head. (That didn't sound right. LOL) Also - I find myself getting distracted - especially if I've read the story before. I'll all the sudden "wake up" and say "whoops - wasn't listening - what just happened?!"
ReplyDeleteI will admit- I loved Pillars. BUT - I skimmed the cathedral architecture parts. Zzzzzz. Not my cup of tea. But Aliena and Jack? SIgh. I loved that storyline.
I've been listening to ITW on audio just so I can get some of the Native names like Kaaaaaaaa...
ReplyDeleteBut I get distracted while listening to the audios, too. I did a trail of Audible to get the free Outlander one but kept forgetting to cancel it. So finally I blew all the credits piled up on OL & ITW series.
I kind of hear a slower southern version of Gregory Peck in my head when I read Nathaniel, lol